BillSaysThis

1. mlife: Stomachs, we all got them but some are cuter than others. And hey, it’s ATT after all.
   

2. Budweiser how ya doing: funny/not funny
   

3. It’s like competitive ass-slapping at midfield
   

4. That was not pass interference, the ball has to be catchable, and I can’t believe Belicheck didn’t challenge the call
   

5. Bud Light teddy and satin: now this is what I call funny!
   

6. 40 Days and 40 Nights: Scary Movie 2 was not this stupid
   

7. Hotjobs.com: okay but I am not sold
   

8. Patriots defense is beginning to make a believer of me; I thought the Rams were on the move for a score before the sack and blocked pass to get back in the game.
   

9. Universal Orlando: good commercial but I’m not a theme park person
   

10. Subway: less fat, less humor
    

11. How many people are rooting for the Patriots now?
    

12. Austin Powers: no title but mad funny laughs, got to see this one
    

13. Taco Bell S class: the handheld was funny, the Mercedes latch-on isn’t
    

14. Blockbuster: animals aren’t sexy no matter how they dance
    

15. Cadillac Escalade: still like the song better
    

16. Did anyone predict the Rams would have three points after three quarters
    

17. Budweiser tushy: be proud parents, get over it
    

18. Jack in the Box: Carnivores are pretty good and check out their stadium
    

19. 4th and goal, I’d go for it, no need for a timeout to talk it over, three points does diddly for the Rams
    

20. Blade 2: this is exactly the kind of movie I pay $9 to see Wesley Snipes
    

21. M&Ms hotel: cute!
    

22. Good choice
    

23. He fumbled the ball, I can’t believe it! Touchdown the wrong way.
    

24. But a penalty gives the Rams life, they better take this gift from the gods!
    

25. Budweiser family: time to feel good
    

26. Quiznos: Geeky
    

27. Roche: I have no idea if this was good or bad
    

28. Volkswagon Turbo: not my taste in humor
    

29. Good play call, it’s a game again and a better laugh than the VW commercial
    

30. Bad Company: good band, bad Ellen Barkin movie, but Rock and Perkins look like a big summer action movie hit
    

31. Bud race car: nice
    

32. Note: I think NASCAR, and most car racing, is about as much of a sport as boxing. Which I don’t think is a sport at all.
    

33. Why did New England take a timeout at 4:01? They don’t need to score again, just run the clock out, and how likely are the Rams to pick up a 3rd and 25? Plus it gives Warner an extra minute to get past the pain in his hand. Make it 3rd and 20 after a stupid rookie penalty.
    

34. Patriots gave the Rams 45 seconds of game clock with that timeout, wonder if that gift will come back to haunt them
    

35. Drug money supports terror. So why not legalize drugs? I bet Republican party buddies like Philip Morris and the like would appreciate the new revenue source
    

36. Do you go for two? I do, win now, forget OT. But Mike Martz disagreed and he’s the coach. But I was right.
    

37. If you wanted a close game, you sure as hell got it.
    

38. Cadillac CTS: Finally a commercial worth selling the song rights for!

• Now that’s what I call a montage!
  

• Bono: no college education, came out of the projects, now he lectures world leaders on international finance and runs the highest grossing music act
  

• I don’t usually cry at football games.
  

• There hasn’t been a better rock and roll band than U2 since 1987. Not in my opinion. The music was great. But if this game was celebrating America, why wasn’t there an American band (calling Bruce!) playing this gig?
  

• Terry Bradshaw and Paul McCartney: shoot them now

(only ones I haven’t seen before)

1. Schwab Bonds/Aaron: Made us laugh, made the point without going overboard
   

2. Bud Light MegaFridge: more laughs, god play on a hot show
   

3. e*Trade: sorry but nope not the monkey, not the faux ballerinas
   

4. Pepsi Britney: yummy, which I suppose is all they were going for anyway; I like the belt (or at least the effect of it) on 2002 Britney.
   

5. Scorpion King: not my kind of movie, never did see either of the Mummys
   

6. Monster.com Guiliani: touching
   

7. mlife farmer: not in the dictionary next to funny
   

8. Bud life Cedric: funny? sort of
   

9. Quiznos: darts in the neck not funny, I thought this was a celebration of America coming together
   

10. Bud Light Falcon: impressing neither the women in the commercial nor me
    

11. mlife musician: I see a trend here
    

12. Yahoo! dolphin: okay, not great and can they great rid of the yodelling yet?
    

13. Visa checkcard Kevin Bacon: six degrees of repetitiveness
    

14. H&R Block Tax: about as exciting as the speaker
    

15. mlife kids: trend confirmed
    

16. signs: not giving me the desired scared witless feeling
    

17. Budweiser Clydesdales: elegant, touching, this one will have me buying a six pack
    

18. Lipton Brisk: Danny Devito: bad puppets! funny commercial!
    

19. Visa race: umm, a chuckle.
    

20. Pepsi ’58: Britney still yummy, I want to be that sweater
    

21. Cadillac: Love the song, not so hot on the cars although the coupe that was barely shown at the end seemed intriguing
    

22. 7-3 Patriots, who would’a thunk it?
    

23. xXx: looks hot! Vin Diesel, vroom vroom bang bang
    

24. Budweiser valentines: predictable
    

25. Dockers: what?
    

26. mlife grandfather: huh?
    

27. No commercial after the Brown bad fair catch or the Rams 2:13 timeout, which is weird
    

28. monster olympians: okay
    

29. Levis Latino dancer: my legs don’t bend that way, buddy
    

30. 14-3, is this the upset no one thought was possible? Summerall: Shockbowl XXXVI.
    

31. Faulk, what stupidity was that fielding the kickoff when it would have gone out of bounds!
    

32. Nissan Pathfinder: Ramones? Horse? Earth to Nissan: report for a smacking
    

33. Computer Associates: convincing? don’t think so
    

34. Smirnoff Ice: ditto
    

35. 24: Not watching yet? Start now!

Like almost everyone else, I’m watching Super Bowl XXXVI and I thought the Boston Pops doing Aaron Copeland’s Fanfare for the Common Man was excellent. Who will win? Don’t care, just give me a good game. I’m cooking some Oyster garlic beef and broccoli with rice, should be excellent. U2 or Fear Factor at halftime? Playmates are cool but Bono and the Edge are better.

You have to wonder why some people bother with this stuff. I mean, sending email in all caps went out of fashion about 30 seconds after the first such one was sent. But “MRS. MARIAM SESE-SEKO WIDOW OF LATE PRESIDENT MOBUTU SESE-SEKO OF ZAIRE?” (if she doesn’t know, I sure don’t) wants me to help her and her children outwit the terrible bankers and police of Western Europe: “I HAVE DEPOSITED THE SUM OF ONE HUNDRED MLLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS (US$I00,000,000,00.) WITH A SECURITY COMPANY, FOR SAFEKEEPING. THE FUNDS ARE SECURITY CODED TO PREVENT THEM FROM KNOWING THE CONTENT. WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS TO INDICATE YOUR INTEREST THAT YOU WILL ASSIST US BY RECEIVING THE MONEY ON OUR BEHALF.” But I have no interest sorry, even though I could sure use a healthy cut of that kind of gash. And what are “OUT MODALITIES” anyway? Uh oh, me and my big blabber mouth: “MAY I AT THIS POINT EMPHASISE THE HIGH LEVEL OF CONFIDENTIALITY, WHICH THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS, AND HOPE YOU WILL NOT BETRAY THE TRUST AND CONFIDENCE, WHICH I REPOSE IN YOU.” Sorry, guess your secret is out now, but you shouldn’t have trusted a guy with a weblog!

Just think, only a little more than four years until the Number of the Beast Day! So who else remembers the huge afro on Bernie in Room 222?

In the latest Weekend Report, Smart Money gets all up and nasty on my biz-oys at the old hiz-ouse:

“Starting on Wednesday, Sun Microsystems (SUNW) will torture analysts for three straight days while saying as little as possible about its financial targets. It would much prefer to talk about its plans to be the next EMC (EMC), now that it knows it can’t be the next IBM (IBM). Meanwhile, Hewlett-Packard (HWP), and Compaq (CPQ) and Dell (DELL) all plan on being the next Sun, because they can’t be the next IBM either. And even IBM hasn’t been its old self lately.”

Last I looked, no one put a gun to the analysts to make them attend these sessions. Quite the opposite, as their jobs are made much easier with this access to company executives. But hey, journalists got to have something catchy to say, right?

OMG, The Onion is just so fucking funny! Did I say fucking? Oh well. It is. Check the story out. One of many examples:

The suit, brought against God by the Justice Department on behalf of a coalition of “lesser deities” and polytheistic mortals, alleged that He violated antitrust laws by claiming in the Holy Bible that He was the sole creator of the universe, and by strictly prohibiting the worship of what He termed “false idols.”

There’s even a cool USA Today-style infographic! The Whumpman gets in early on this sure Daypop classic.

Country musician Marty Stuart is lining up top name artists for a Johnny Cash 70th birthday tribute album. Due out in March, among the songs will be Springsteen performing “Give My Love To Rose,” Dylan covering “Train Of Love,” and Little Richard doing “Get Rhythm.”

Also, I heard on the radio that Springsteen is in the studio now in Atlanta recording a new album. Checking one of the primary Bruce fan sites, Backstreets Magazine reports that guitarist Nils Lofgren confirmed this report on a recent ESPN Radio show. Lofgren “qualified the sessions as the first step of several toward a new album, and that he hoped Springsteen would keep taking the necessary steps toward a completed album and subsequent tour.” Backstreet reports the sessions were “fucking smoking” and feature a harder-edged rock sound. OMG, I can’t wait to hear this stuff. Lofgren has his own new release due out Tuesday, music he composed as soundtrack for the All-Madden Show.

Another example of this mystery pops up with the report that Mike Riley will join the Saints as assistant head coach and secondary coach. Longtime Saints assistant Rick Venturi moves up to defensive coordinator from the positions Riley is taking. I just don’t understand how Riley can work for Venturi but also be his boss.

Other coordinator news: Bruce Coslet comes back into the league, as rumored, with the Cowboys’ offense. Coslet is a West Coast guy so how Emmitt Smith will respond is an interesting question but he knows that Coslet gets results. Kurt Schottenheimer turned down an opportunity to join brother Marty in San Diego and instead took the Lions’ DC slot. I believe this is the first major job for Kurt independent of Marty.

One of the core elements that defines childhood is the ability to build mental pictures of the world that seem logically complete as well as practical even though they are completely at odds with life as it really exists. Think of five year olds who just know their parents are perfect. Sad as it is, breaking through this mental wall is a big part of becoming an adult. Sherman Martin Austin, an 18 year old Angeleno found this out the hard way when an FBI raid silenced his anarchist website by raiding his parents’ home with lots of armed agents. This quote makes my point precisely: “In the interview, Austin acknowledged that he vandalized the Web sites and that he knew it was illegal to do so. But he defended the act by saying it was necessary to get his message out.” (Hmm is this my day to pick on teens?)

Sometimes I just wonder about my fellow humans. Not that they are greedy or violent, which are cause enough for wonder, but that they do really stupid things like the girl in this Yahoo! News photo and then go after publicity for doing it. Of course in this case the blame has to go to her parents for allowing the publicity. And yeah, like teenagers never found ways to run up huge phone bills before. Oh wait, they must have or else why would The Simpsons have lampooned it?

Since I wrote about this odd ad campaign a few days ago, I’ve been getting a lot of hits from people coming though Google and other search engines but I had no answer for them either. Now, though, thanks to eWeek we can

solve the “mlife” mystery and tell you it is coming from ATT Wireless. The “m” is for mobile and refers to a package of voice and data services that will be fully explained in some Super Bowl ads. Glad that’s been explained, eh?

In a speech today, President Bush enlarged his remarks on the American propensity to do what feels good. Observers say this is an attempt to talk us into moving away from the sexual excesses characterized by the Lewinsky scandal. People who complain about others’ pleasure are most likely scared of what they would see inside themselves or mentally locked into a rigid belief system that makes their life simple. I always wondered why Republicans (conservatives) are so eager to keep the government out of financial matters but so eager to have it intrude in personal relations; isn’t that an odd conflict?

I say to GWB and his corporate cronies, how about looking at your own excesses? That is, the “if we can get away with it, do it!” attitude that led to the Enron collapse and the $100 million Credit Suiss First Boston fine. How about letting Congress have the Cheney energy task force information rather than forcing a courtroom confrontation. Poor Mrs. Lay, going on TV sobbing poverty while her husband Ken hides behind his lawyers and, gee, they still have property valued at over $10 million. Puh-lease!

Hunger is a terrible thing to go unsated!

When one upgrades to the way-cool Blogger Pro part of the incentive in addition to the new features and such is a 8,000 impression Pyrad run. I had mine, it was over and done with in three days or so and I actually got about a 10% overrun (Ev, software needs checking methinks). But talk about your minimal results: two (2!!) clickthroughs for a CT ratio of 0.023%. This one was not much of anything. Tried new wording to no avail. Wonder if Ev is going to start making results available from all Pyrads so potential advertisers can see what’s working and what isn’t.

Dave W. has finally had enough and kicked WinerLog off his EditThisPage.com service. On the other hand, Dave also claims he hasn’t shut them down. Even WinerLog says they have not been shut down but are simply frustrated with the free service. In any case, Zaphod and gang aren’t going far. They found a new home at Userland partner Weblogger.com and are still using Manila. I suppose there will be some transitional issues with their archives but you can’t keep a good blogger down!

Humor is just a great thing. Not quite as good as sex with someone you love but hey. Check out SatireWire’s Australia Gets Drunk, Wakes Up in North Atlantic and you will be laughing for a damn long time.

And in other parts of the Commonwealth we can find completely different unintentional examples of the comic arts.

Gee Mike after all these years, all these rapes, and all the ridiculous behavior I would have never guessed. Amazingly, the Nevada State Athletic Commission looked a few hundred million dollars of Vegas casino revenue in the face and

denied Tyson request for license anyway. Good going guys, showing us the system can work once in awhile. Some jurisdiction will ignore Tyson’s track record and inability to behave like an adult and give the go ahead for his fight with Lennox Lewis but this is a nice thing to see.