Category: Personal

Beau is just crazy! Bob, OTOH, sounds nearly suicidal, sadly.

Subaru uses Newspeak to make its Outback sedan a “light truck,” thereby avoiding stiffer mileage and pollution controls. In other words, more corporate bullshit to take advantage of legal loopholes put there by big dollar lobbying but justified as helping some small disadvantaged groups (in this case so farmers and small businesses would be able to afford trucks).

This chick will mince you up into itty bitty white boy meatballs.

There are, it is said, only seven basic plots in all the world, and Shakespeare wrote the best possible versions of each of them 400 years ago. Still, movie theaters and TV channels have space to fill and so studios keep turning out product. The most basic plot of all is boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl and they live happily ever after. The Guru tries to bring a few twists to this old as the hills story and succeeds.

Jimi Mistry is Ramu, an Indian kid who grows up idolizing and idealizing movie musicals and actors, but is little more than a dance teacher who captivates his Macarena students. Shades of Cinema Paradiso but instead of becoming a projectionist, Ramu moves to New York to seek stardom. Mistaking an audition for a porn movie for a real one, he meets Sharonna (Heather Graham), his intended co-star. But, given the opportunity, he can’t perform in front of the crowd of set techs.

Through a series of accidents and mistaken identity Ramu picks up with rich, directionless Lexi (Marisa Tomei) as a guru of sex and Lexi, using her friendships and connections, builds him into a new flash on the New York scene. Meanwhile, Sharonna, engaged to a very strict Catholic firefighter, is giving Ramu lessons so (she thinks) he can make it in the porn world. In reality, he’s using these lessons as the source material for his guru sessions. And then everything collides, but I don’t want to give away the amusements of the last act.

This is a truly funny, witty movie. One of the aspects of much humor in recent years that bothers me is the meanness, the humor that comes at the expense of another. But The Guru is able to avoid this, though admittedly there are a few stereotypes (like Tomei’s rich bitch mother, played by Christine Baranski). The script is by Tracey Jackson (her first produced script) and the film is directed by Daisy von Scherler Mayer (the Parker Posey indie Party Girl and Jada Pinkett’s Woo) and these women combine to bring a terrific touch and sensitivity to their work.

Recommended

I’ve had no professional training… of singing

15 hours of LotR Heaven in NYC!

Phaeton: with an MSRP starting at over $64,000, I think Volkswagon is barking up the wrong tree; this is not a car VW should have put in production. No matter what the Detroit News might say. When the company needs to run TV commercials explaining why you should pay them more money for a car than they’ve ever tried to charge before, the execs ought to realize the battle is lost before it’s even begun.

There, through the hazy desert glare, I see

Luis walking over sand with a torn up t-shirt

Covering his head and cracked cheap sunlasses

Over his eyes. Ojos.

Luis is part of a line of 14 people wandering

Through the southwest sands, aiming at the

Heart of America. All of them wear dirty clothes

With Spanish words. Palabras.

The group has been walking in the sand

For four days now and they have little food

Left, though there are many days yet to

Travel with hunger. Hambre.

Luis walks next to his nephew, who grew up in the

Same little city where all his people lived.

Men from the Parti came through and when they

Left it was time. Tiempo.

Yes, time, because the nephew came to Luis,

Stood up with all his 16 years and said what

neither Luis nor his father would say, that

Time was gone. Ido.

“Walk away, walk away, walk away. We must

Walk away from our home,” the nephew chanted.

“Walk away, walk away, to the north we must go.

Leave this life behind. En el pasado.”

Over a dozen others joined the nephew and Luis,

Gathering together what they could not leave,

Cramming in food, water, a few towels, but

No one had a hat. Sombrero.

The sand is all that any of them can think of now

No one thinks about America or the bright

Picture on the tv that drew them into this trip

Across the desert. Desierto.

Luis played games with his nephew at first

Taking their minds off the drudgery and sore feet.

And each day he grew more quiet, less able or

Willing to smile. Sonrisa.

After a week, three of their fellows sat down.

They were at the side of a road some miles

From any town. One, tow, three, they

Simply sat down. Abajo.

The nephew stopped walking himself, to see

If they were all taking a rest but no others

Did and soon those three were lost behind a

Curve in the road. Camino.

“Walk away, walk away, walk away. We must

Walk away from our home,” the nephew chanted.

“Walk away, walk away, to the north we must go.

Leave this life behind. En el pasado.”

One day, with the sun high above them the troop

Came to a small lake. There were no other people

There and when a small woman ran in she

Never came out. Nunca reaparecido.

Weeks passed, days where not one word was said,

Though all of them just knew when it was time to

Rest or eat or sleep, and each night they slept

Knowing they were closer. Más cerca.

Luis ate all the food he had packed on a Tuesday;

Nephew finished his that Thursday. Friday, a

Package with more supplies was at their feet

In the morning. Manana.

Thought came slowly to him, his mind occupied

Watching a bird circle over a hill or a breeze

Pass through the wild grass off the road.

It was enough. Bastantes.

Finally they came to a patch of strange sand

Whiter than any sand in Mexico, softer and hotter,

But in this place the walkers lost all connection

To their homes. Hogares.

“Walk away, walk away, walk away. We must

Walk away from our home,” the nephew chanted.

“Walk away, walk away, to the north we must go.

Leave this life behind. En el pasado.”

There was no more food, no more water

No more mysterious food parcels and they could

Not find the way out from this white sand.

Where I watched. Miré.

Only four days passed from when they entered

Four days that stretched out from morning to night

When the Sun simply vanished from above, the

Stars came late. Tarde.

None of them was hungry, none of them was

Tired, none of them asked where they were

None of them laughed, none of them cried

None of them smiled. Sonrieron.

I was laying on a ridge not far above the sands

Watching but not being seen, listening

Though there was nothing to hear, waiting

But for what? ¿Qué?

In time I expect that something will happen

Someone, perhaps, will drive in to their

Circle with a truck, a laugh, and tell

Them to climb aboard. Subida encendido.

“Walk away, walk away, walk away. We must

Walk away from our home,” the nephew chanted.

“Walk away, walk away, to the north we must go.

Leave this life behind. En el pasado.”

Last night my Logitech wireless keyboard/mouse combo died and the Big Guy graciously spent 90 minutes to diagnose the situation. But the bottom line is that for now I’m stuck using the laptop’s built-in keyboard and touchpad and I don’t like it. Dammit.

The Big Guy and I made our way back to the SJ Convention Center for the San Jose 2004 International Auto Show. Note that poor planning by yours truly regarding camera batteries means far fewer pics than intended. I missed (taking photos of) the Mustang Concept Car, the Hyundai Tiburon, Chevrolet SSR, Cadillac XLR and two sweet Aston Martins.

I have some questions about the new ‘guest worker’ plan announced by Bush this week, plus similar concerns to those expressed by David Abraham. Most significant questions right now are: (1) current work visas require the employer to attempt to hire an American first, what does the proposal say on this and (2) what happens when a three year period is up and the worker has no job, will he be forced to leave? These need answers before anything is put into law by Congress.

gGarret’s heavy new look, plus he endorses Clark.

Another hiring today: Jim Mora Jr. is leaving after five years as the San Francisco 49ers’ defensive coordinator to become the new head coach of the Atlanta Falcons. Mora is the son of the former Colts and Saints head man of the same name (obviously). Rumor has it that he’ll take Niner offensive coordinator Greg Knapp with him to mold Michael Vick’s injury comeback. Mora certainly did a quality job with the Niner defense and will be missed.

Coming this March to SciFi: Tripping the Rift

Sadly, I expect a lot more of these type of attacks to occur and am surprised there haven’t been more sooner.

The Reds have been in quite a bit of turmoil lately, not only losing half the starters to injury, but also major fan, press and shareholder agony for manager Gerard Houllier. There are almost as many calls for his scalp as for that of Claudio Ranieri, the manager of the Chelski Millionaires. Which made for a fine run-up to today’s visit to Stamford Bridge by Liverpool for both squad’s first EPL match of the year.

If the first two things, on top of this, that I told you were: the Reds hadn’t won at Chelsea’s grounds since 1989 and that goalkeeper Jerzy Dudek had to leave for injury (yes, another one) and be replaced for the finish by a player who had yet to play a single minute with the first team, would you think we won or lost? I know, I know, me too but fuck if we didn’t win! Yeah, you read that right! Took three points right out from under them with a 33rd minute goal from little-used midfielder Bruno Cheyrou off a sweet cross into the box from Emile Heskey.

Have to say that the last 20-25 minutes were bad nailbiters, especially after Dudek’s groin injury in the 77th minute and was replaced by Patrice Luzi. Dudek was Houllier’s second choice as it was but Chris Kirkland is out for perhaps two months with a nasty finger bone break. If Dudek is out for any length of time, the team will have little alternative to finding a keeper in the transfer market because as of now Luzi is the only healthy GK on the roster. Though there were few shots and fewer on goal, our defense was stiffly tested as Chelsea had possession almost every second of this period but the backline was impregnable. Special props to Jimmy Traore and Sammi Hyypia.

Yay! The next three EPL matches are against teams below us in the standings, with a UEFA Cup match mixed in, and this would be an excellent time for a run of good luck since Michael Owen and Steven Finnan, then Steven Gerrard and Milan Baros are due back from the injured list.

The Washington Angry Native Americans hired their only legendary coach, Joe Gibbs, who apparently got tired of watching cars drive around and around for several hours at a clip (that is, he bought himself a NASCAR team when he ‘retired’ from football) and decided he’d rather make $5 million a year for five years (that is, the same deal the now-departed Steve Spurrier had). But he also gets to be both coach and president of football operations (that is, he gets final say on personnel, which Spurrier did not have). Washington has made the playoffs a grand total of one (1) time in the 11 years Gibbs has been away.

The Arizona Cardinals, meanwhile, brought in Dennis Green as their latest managerial saviour. Sadly, he’ll only be paid $11 million over four years, though he will have similar authority, but then again Gibbs won three Super Bowls as a head coach while Green won none in 10 years running the Minnesota Vikings. Green also flirted with the Oakland Raiders but one can hardly blame him from staying away from that hornet’s nest. While I applaud the Bidwell’s willingness to hire a minority coach, the question is whether they chose the right one; Romeo Crennel was another interviewee and (hate to be so repetitive), I’d love to see what he can do as a head coach.

They’re not just black holes any more: Gravastars

The blog for people who think blogs are dull.

Given all the (extremely justified) to do over the years local governments have gone through regarding simple things like nativity scenes, you’d hardly expect some religious type to post biblical passages at the Grand Canyon. Responding to my letter was Dawn O’Sickey, Public Affairs Specialist for the Grand Canyon National Park:

“Your e-mail inquiry regarding the sale of the book Grand Canyon: A Different View by Tom Vail, in bookstores operated by the Grand Canyon Association, has been forwarded to this office for reply.

The book has been sent to the National Park Service Office of Communications, in Washington, D.C., for review in terms of the book’s appropriateness as a sales item in a National Park. Once the review has been completed and an opinion rendered, that information will be available to the public. We will keep your message on file in our office and forward a copy of that opinion to you. We are also keeping on file your comments regarding the plaques.”

Trust me that is not a satisfactory answer so I responded politely but firmly:

Thank you for your response. However, there is no explanation included of why plaques bearing Christian bible passages have been allowed in one of our finest national parks; to me, this is much worse than the books on sale. When are these plaques going to be removed? If you (personally, that is, due to your position in the department) are unable to provide an answer, please let me know how I can schedule a phone conversation with Secretary Norton on this topic.

Think I’ll get that phone call?