Bill’s Driving Rules

  1. When a white Toyota 4Runner appears on the road near you, get out of the way. If you’re driving a white 4Runner and you’re not Bill, get out of the way. Note that this rule will be updated when Bill gets a new vehicle.
  2. When you’re in the left lane and a car comes up behind you, move over and allow this car to pass. The left lane is for passing, not regular driving and you pokes should no better. Don’t give me any grief about speed limits. And if your car has trouble with uphill climbs, don’t even think about getting in the left lane.
  3. When you are coming to a stop at a traffic light and there are two lanes going straight but no right turn lane and you aren’t turning right, don’t block the right lane for those behind you who expect to make a right on red.
  4. When your wipers are on, turn on your headlights. This won’t hurt your battery or visibility and will help other cars see you in the rain.
  5. When parking in a marked space, get your car inside the line to either side. This does not mean that where the lot uses double lines you can be inside the outer line but not the inner line. This rule applies to your entire car, not just the front end, and also applies to you spoiled brats who think purchasing an expensive car also purchases you a second space. If you don’t understand this you should not be parking in public lots.
  6. When you run into serious congestion–you know this will happen more often than anyone likes–do not constantly jump from lane to lane. The odds that you’ll get to your destination more than five seconds sooner is exceedingly small but you will make everyone else lose about five seconds be lane change.
  7. You have not been appointed the Outdoor Entertainment Coordinator and so you do not have permission to turn to turn up the stereo volume so high that cars around you are jumping from your bass. I don’t care how much you love your rock and roll, rap or Celine Dion, drivers in other cars do not want to hear it.
  8. Stop signs mean you actually have to stop, especially when the crossing road does not have a stop sign. A corollary to this rule is that when you’re driving on a road which is the stem side of a T-intersection, and no side of this intersection is controlled by a light or a stop or yield sign, you do not just drive through and make your turn without stopping; in general, the traffic flowing on the other road CANNOT SEE YOU!
  9. When you park on a street which only has one lane in each direction, do not block that one lane. Even if you are driving for UPS, FedEx or a delivery service.
  10. When operating a motor vehicle, wear your seatbelt. Besides being the law, at least in most states, the belt will give you a much better chance of walking away from an accident without injury or death. Bill does not enjoy hearing ambulance sirens blaring.

Memorize these rules, pass them to friends and family, because in 2004 you know you want my life to be much less stressful. Thanks.