BillSaysThis

Robert DeNiro plays himself, or at least his standard character, this time as a mentor to Ed Burns, who plays the DeNiro character from Backdraft in 15 Minutes. Bobby is a media-friendly, famous Manhattan homocide cop and Ed is (if you didn’t get the reference) an FDNY arson investigator who hook up when two people turn up fead in a burnt to ashes apartment. Melina Kanakaredes and Vera Farmiga play the respective eye candy, though at least Farmiga’s character does help with the plot; Kanakaredes is about as necessary to the film as Angela Basset in DeNiro’s Summer 2001 flop The Score.

Karel Roden is a twisted brilliance, though, as the Czech madman who comes to America to reclaim his share of an old job. Oleg Taktarov is his partner, who aspires to fame as an actor and director (interesting inside commentary on the idea that every actor in Hollywood really wants to direct), but is mainly useful for holding the camera and having the idea to film their adventure. Writer/director John Herzfeld, whose earliest IMDB credits are as an actor, spent most of the last 25 years doing those jobs on sickly sweet movies (Travolta/Newton-John in Two of a Kind, The Ryan White Story) before breaking out a few years ago with the nasty 2 Days in the Valley.

Hertzfeld had a decent idea here, poking a stick at the intersection of tabloid media obsession with violence in exchange for ratings and holes in American law that sometimes permit the guilty to go free (such as the Twinkie defense). However, he just doesn’t bring it off, especially when he kills off DeNiro at the end of Act 2. Not recommended.

My father and I were discussing a Straight Dope article on Yiddish and had the following conversation via email, one line per email. I think this helps explain my sense of humor (D are my Dad’s lines, B are mine):

D: Very scholarly and essentially correct.

B: Essentially? What mistakes does it make?

D: None that I could see. It’s just a way of phrasing it.

B: Ah, such lovely precise language!

D: Precise is for pedagogues.

B: Also for communicating clearly and accurately. And that would be precision, not precise!

D: Don’t be so picky!

B: Why?

D: Why not?

B: Precision is useful because it conveys the information accurately.

D: As long as it isn’t overemphasized or obsessed upon.

B: I don’t think that one mention is too much.

D: I forgot what we were originally discussing.

B: Your comment on the Yiddish article.

D: Yes, but I forget what it was.

B: You suggested the article was (and I’m paraphrasing here) less than completely correct. When I asked what specifically was wrong, you replied that there really wasn’t anything wrong with it.

D: I didn’t say it was in any way incorrect. I said it was essentially correct, which means that there’s nothing wrong with it.

B: No, your phrase implies that there is something not quite right with the article.

D: I know what I meant, which, unless you have hitherto undisclosed ESP, you couldn’t possibly have.

B: You may have meant what you are thinking, I am not disputing that, but the words you used convey a commonly-accepted meaning. So again, your response was imprecise.

D: I am in total disagreement with your interpretation, which is, after all, only your opinion.

B: I see that even at your supposedly mature age, you still can’t admit to minor errors. Oh well.

D: I can’t?

B: Apparently not. So sad…

D: It’s amazing how mistaken one son can be!

B: Yes but not in this instance.

D: That’s another example of how mistaken you can be! It’s sad.

B: Sad is one way of characterizing it. Mistaken, though, is terribly wrong.

D: You keep persisting with the same error. I’m so disappointed!

B: And who is responsible for your feelings? You are, so don’t go putting them off on me.

D: Don’t put that on me, buddy! At almost 41 years old, you’re entirely responsible for yourself.

B: You misunderstood me, as usual. I am saying you are responsible for your own emotions! Such as being sad.

D: Well, of course, but you need to express yourself much more clearly.

B: Hmm, I believe this is where we came in.

This was 34 emails for those of you still reading. 34!

Well, after much indecision, we finally decided to see A Beautiful Mind tonight and I’m really glad. The trailers just didn’t attract me and the subject matter, a man’s battle against mental illness, hit a little too close to home. Still, after most of my family and friends saw it and gave glowing reviews, the time arrived. Apparently I’m not the only one to feel this way because the showing (admittedly, prime time on a Saturday night) was sold out.

Russell Crowe is magnificent and Jennifer Connelly is superb as the woman who sees more than just the social ineptness and around the damaged mind–and no doubt, she is amazingly gorgeous–but the performance I truly appreciated was Paul Bettany as Princeton roommate and imagonary friend Charles Herman. Ron Howard is nearly invisible as the director, which I say as a commendation, since one never feels manipulated into some emotional reaction.

This week Paypal went public and rocked Wall St. by gaining over 50% in the first day of trading. But then I read about Ev’s experience this week and the even more absurd stories at NoPayPal. And a number of states, including Louisiana, are pursuing them for providing banking services without a banking license. So one has to wonder where the company’s true longterm prospects lie. Meanwhile his need to convert to credit card acceptance and processing is displacing Ev’s efforts from updating the Blogger API and the new version of Blogger, dammit!

Vivian took care of your host with this great Liverpool FC banner for Valentine’s Day:

Steven, writing in USS Clueless, takes us inside going to War in Iraq in a multi-part series. Powerful and insightful, this is not an essay about whether or not America ought to get into this fight nor is it about the politics; rather a consideration of the technical aspects of how our military might go about it. In case anyone was wondering, this will not be another Afghanistan: “Each of the Republican Guard divisions has more armor and artillery than existed in all of Afghanistan prior to our involvement there.” Steven does point out the quite important fact that such a war will not really be won or lost on the battlefield. There’s just no way Iraq could win the fighting but might be able to do enough (including the use of devastating chemical weapons) to win by making Americans sick enough (at the sight of large numbers of body bags) to pull out before Saddam is wrecked.

p.s. USS Clueless has a high quality discussion forum, so don’t miss these related threads: Iraq and Iraq countering U.S. air power.

Okay, I’m just sitting here surfing the web and I see on ESPN that now the Buccaneers have asked the 49ers permission to talk with Steve Mariucci. Man did I get a good laugh on that! Our lovable Mooch has two years left on his contract and so signing him would cost the Bucs something. Al Davis drove a hard deal, too hard, to let Gruden out of one year of a contract, so why would John York and Terry Donahue let their coach go for less? And why would Mooch want to go to Tampa Bay anyway? I can only think of two reasons, neither compelling: to get away from Terrell Owens and to be both coach and general manager. TO may be a little bit strongwilled but he sure delivers a lot more than Tampa Bay’s star wideout, Keyshawn Johnson, and the 49ers have a quarterback who can pass the ball too. True, with the 49ers, Mariucci will probably need to wait years, maybe four or five, before Donahue would be willing to give up the GM slot but one would think that a bigger say for the coach in personnel matters would suffice in the near term. Tampa Bay will be needing a new GM shortly though, that much is clear after Rich McKay interviewed for the Atlanta GM opening. Come on guys, I already made it clear why you should hire me for the job. And I promise to stop laughing as soon as I get that contract in hand!

Update 10 p.m.: The 49ers gave the Bucs permission to talk to Mariucci, saying that Tampa Bay’s willingness to name him coach and general manager (as predicted above) “because this is an opportunity that is unique.” A decision is due early next week.

Or perhaps most people never did trust them, but this eWeek article, Shaving Milliseconds Per Hit Adds Up to Real Money, doesn’t even appear to be a rewrite of a company press release. Unless of course RouteScience has come up with such amazing new technology that not a single person will find even a scintilla of something worth criticizing.

Normally I would just link this column in LinksBlog but Paul Krugman has something to important to miss in Blunt Question, Blunt Answer. He attends a luncheon with Arab newspaper editors in London and is asked “Are Jews in the media behind the campaign to smear Saudi Arabia and Islam?” Krugman turns the question on his head points out that not only is there no conspiracy but instead the question is asked because the Arabs are deluding themselves. Bravo!

I did and I have proof, coming to you from Villa Romana in beautiful San Francisco:

Isaac Asimov was perhaps the premier author of science fiction featuring robots and created one of the premiere robotic concepts, the Three Laws. So I’m glad to read that Honda has a robot named Asimo, a four foot high humanoid, in his honor. Asimo rang the bell to open trading on the NYSE today, celebrating Honda’s 25 years as an NYSE-listed stock.

Galen Gruman, a friend and classmate of mine, is the subject of Wired’s article What’s a Wireless Editor to Do? Galen was the editor of the suddenly defunct M-Business magazine, a CMP Media publication. My sister, who just got a new publishing gig herself (congats, Jo), also got left in the lurch by this company when her Network VAR magazine was shut down a couple of years ago. Anyway, Galen was a pretty cool guy back in the school days and worked on some of the seminal VideoText projects back in the ’80s. What a small world!

Joel and Ed, in case you’ve come looking in response to yesterday’s invitation, I updated my resume. Actually, I didn’t do it for you guys but to make my technical background clearer to staff and independent recruiters who might come looking for a Product Manager, Business Development Manager, or Technical Support Manager. I have solid enterprise Ecommerce and Internet experience and would be a good match if your product is aimed at or requires enterprise developers. I speak their language, I work well across functional lines, and as this website shows, I know how to communicate.

The Farce in Florida continues unabated, as Mark Kreidler points out in Bucs are making Notre Dame look good. Not to mention that Oregon coach Mike Bellotti is letting people know quietly that he “is very happy, though, with his current situation.” In other words, don’t bother calling. And he’s getting this message out in response to rumours that the team may call him.

Glazer Brothers, I just want to let you know that I am interested in being hired as general manager of the Buccaneers, as I read that your are about to come to a parting of the ways with Rich McKay. Although I don’t have any direct experience, and my dad wasn’t one of the greatest football coaches of all time, I have been a huge football fan since childhood and I am smart and learn fast. Also, I will work for a lot less than $1.8 million a year, how does $500,000 sound? Plus relocation expenses, of course, and since I have to move across the country, let’s make it a five year deal. One thing, I have these stomach issues so I need a semi-private bathroom to use at all games, home and away. That won’t be a deal breaker, will it?

I’m sure I can have the respect of the other teams fairly quickly after I hire a head coach. Well, I think they will at least stop laughing every time the team is mentioned. I can’t say who just yet, that’s part of what I bring to the table, but let’s just say the guy knows offense and is willing to have a strong DCon at his side. But mainly you should hire me because I am willing to take the heat for any decision you want to make. In other words, I am gonna be a great figurehead for you. Let’s take a meeting!

Dave Winer, who often writes, or at least links to, interesting material also sometimes confuses readers with his blatantly wrong statements. This is a man who has moved through web technology since it came out, more or less, and co-invented XML-RPC. Then he goes and writes something ridiculous: “Finally, those of us who use tables are part of a mass of people who learned to develop websites that way. It’s impossible to get us to change.” Winer wrote this in a conversation with Dave Polaschek; Winer asked and Polaschek answered the question Why avoiding tables (for layout) is important. Definitely WinerLog material. Dave, you’ve learned and unlearned so many technologies and techniques over a 25+(?) year programming career that I can’t believe you would stoop to this level but then again you’ve surprised me before.

Back in the heyday of junk bonds, there were a few names a CEO dreaded hearing: Milken, Boesky, Perelman, and Posner. Yesterday Victor Posner died after being ill with pneumonia for some time at age 83. Most of his career was as a spectacularly successful real estate investor beginning in Baltimore in the depths of the Depression. He got caught up in too many shenanigans in the ’80s playing games with Milken and Boesky and in 1993 a judge finally barred Posner from any further involvement with public companies. His Security Management Corporation is one of the largest landowners in Florida and while he bought and traded public companies, he only bought land. Throughout his troubles, though, he was a generous man, backing hospitals, universities, and other causes.

Boston Globe columnist Jeff Jacoby shows us what ‘peace’ means to Yasser Arafat, really, and doesn’t paint a pleasant picture. On the one hand Arafat writes an op-ed piece for the NY Times claiming all he wants is for the violence on both sides to end and for everyone to live in harmony. On the other hand, he appeared before Palestinean rallies the same week and called for “Millions of martyrs marching to Jerusalem!” And by martyrs, he does mean suicide bombers and the like, have no doubt about that!

One would think at this point the Glazer boys down in Florida would learn to keep their movements, meetings, and mouths shut unless they have something good to say. Maryland coach Ralph Friedgen might not be a bad choice for their head coaching slot, he is hot and has solid offensive-side credentials, but he decided to stay at Maryland. I suppose the press conference Friedgen held to announce this would have let the cat out of the bag anyway, but one must think that this whole tryst could have been kept under wraps, at least for the time being, if some effort had been made. The previous candidate, Marvin Lewis, got a nice consolation prize: the biggest contract ever for an assistant coach to be the Redskins’ defensive coordinator. Someday, Marvin, someday, you’ll get that head coaching gig you deserve and have a chance to show all the owners and GMs what they passed up these last few years.

The good folks at Intuit Online Financial Services are going to pay me 100 smackers (das right, a whole Benjamin!) to be on a consumer survey panel for Quicken Bill Pay next Friday morning. Bringing home the (non-unemployment compensation) bacon at last!

Some life events took place this week, births, an anniversary, that brought to mind a way of looking at investing that I thought would be good to share with my huge reading audience. I call this, ta-da, age-related risk investing, and I do not claim to have originated this approach, although as far as I recall I did back when I was finishing up graduate school 15 years ago. I will go into more details in future entries but here are the fundamentals.

The basic premise of ARRI is that the younger you are, the higher the level of risk you should be willing to take in your investments. As you age, the level of risk in your portfolio is lowered until there is essentially no more risk. There are two key considerations, that higher risk often means higher reward and that at some point one no longer has enough working years left to earn one’s retirement nestegg. The goal of this strategy is to ensure a sufficient amount of savings to fund a 30 year retirement although I won’t go into how to calculate that amount here. Should the strategy work very well, an individual could consider retiring at a younger age.

ARRI splits one’s investing life into three stages: under 45 years old, 45-55, and over 55. People under 45 should essentially go for investments that have as much risk as possible, common stocks. If an individual is willing to take some time to educate themselves, options and futures should be added to a portfolio. People at this stage should have no, or nearly no, low risk investments like government bonds. As mentioned above, high risk often brings higher reward and, in this age range, people still have time to take chances. Historically, common stocks have provided the best return over time and should be the main investment vehicle; picking specific stocks requires an effort to do some research and analysis, as blindly following an individual newsletter or Wall St. analyst has rarely been successful.

The middle stage is a transition period. Some risk is still worthwhile, given the value of compound interest/return. ARRI calls for gradually changing the risk profile of the portfolio over the 10 years, so that at the end their is essentially no risk left. Some discipline is required here so that the transition is gradual although moving in 10 equal steps is also too strict. By age 55, the entire portfolio ought to be in investment grade bonds, preferably a mix largely slanted towards medium term government issues. There is no risk-free investment, of course, but the biggest foreseeable risk in American government bonds is inflation and there is little safe harbor from this risk that does not entail others.

Some people look at the stock market as a game, one they enjoy playing. I know because I have a close relative who does and as well off as this person is, the question could be asked as to how much better their account would otherwise be. For these individuals, the discipline of ARRI may be difficult if taken to an extreme. However, as long as one keeps the underlying goal (funding for 30 years of retirement) in mind and has a separate account for this purpose, there is no reason not to keep playing.