Midsummer’s Nightmare

One Summer night, the year I was 14,

The true meaning of terror came clear to me,

As clear as a teenage mind can make it

In the dark, in a nearly empty campground

In the middle of a national park

Further from civilization than this boy

Was comfortable being.

Some point after the Moon swung past the

Highest point in its arc across the sky my

Stomach rumbled so loudly I woke up

Looking for the noise only to feel the pressure

Of a bladder past full and filled with

Urgency, to get to the primitive loo that was

All the campground offered.

Surrounded by a tentfull of other teenage boys

Travelling together across the Western states,

All of them sleeping and none of them

Caring to be disturbed by my troubles

I took care to rise and walk the way you

See in movies, slowly tiptoeing out.

Glancing upward, I got a bit of understanding

Of things I’d only read in books, of the beauty and

Love that open space and open skies and Nature

Bestow on some people fortunate enough to

Pull away from the electrical interference and

Appreciate some different.

The pressure, though, was as urgent as you’d

Imagine so I looked around to find the well-equipped,

Modern as you’d like indoor plumbing facilities

Complete with porcelain sinks and other useful

Inventions, contained inside a capacious grey

Cinder block building.

So I walked across the grounds, with quiet so

Thick you could, as the comedians say, cut it

With a knife, some insects, some birds, though

Not any sound man-made and that was nice,

Almost comforting though having forgotten shoes

My feet were complaining.

Inside I quickly did my business, wanting as much

As anything else just to get back to my cot and sleep

Before the hikes and such that were planned for

Morning until I opened the door and heard a sound

Which wasn’t audible on the walk in but got my

Attention really darn fast.

Made me look up too, to see tall bear–brown as I

Remember–about 25 or 30 feet away coming out

From some trees towards me. Not running and he

Wasn’t roaring, his noise wasn’t that loud but

Fortunately loud enough for me and I

Overcame the shock of recognizing this

Animal before I got too far from perfectly

Good shelter.

Slamming the door, breathing heavy, yes,

Here’s a bolt lock in the door, turn it and

Sure enough the bear does come up to the

Other side right away, pushing at it,

Shoving, trying to get inside but

Fortunately for me the construction was

Stronger than him.

All the thoughts racing through my mind

Were wondering if that bear could push past

The lock and get at me, wondering what the

Pain would feel like, how badly I’d be injuried

How long the hurt would stick to my body or

Even if he’d tear off enough for snacking

That I’d die.

Death, that was never in my mind before this

One night, not connected to me but something

Old, grey haired people like my mom’s lovely mother,

Grandma Weiner, she died two years before I

Hid from the bear in the bathroom and how much

Time was passing, the animal didn’t leave and

I couldn’t help myself, couldn’t control myself

So I screamed.

I thought I screamed as loudly as my throat

Would go with enough volume to maybe scare

Away the bear or wake up one of the counselors

Leading our trip or one of the other campers

I screamed again and again, just Help Help

Help even when my throat hurt from doing it

But no one heard.

I had no watch and no idea how much time

Was passing but it seemed like ten, twenty

Minutes and the bear was still at the door,

Finally the sounds of his effort slowing down

My screaming probably didn’t do much to

Encourage his departure, my salvation, but even

Bears get tired.

And he still was out there, under the sky

Filled with so many stars and a big bright Moon

So different from what you’d see outside my

Suburban window. Maybe my mind snapped

A bit from the pressure of my fear and looked

For a different tack to try since all that

Screaming failed.

The counselors riding herd on the 30 of us

Traipsing across America that Summer were

All Bible College students, maybe six or seven

Years older than us and their belief in Jesus

Wasn’t something they pushed on us but they

Were happy to talk about Him and answer

Our silly questions.

Not being a member of their herd, barely still

Belonging to my own and more impressed with

Questions coming from physicists and philosophers

Far from such conservative bents and I often

Told myself I was more interested in pulling at

Hanging threads dangling from inconsistent

Logic in their fables.

But in the moment, in the spaces between

My ineffective unheard screams and scratching

At the door from the beast I remembered, or

Tried to, the message the counselors had given me,

I raised my eyes to the ceiling of my little sanctuary

Then asked Him and His only born Son to

Intercede on my behalf and send the bear away

And save me.

In return I would embrace Him and his

Faith despite the certain reaction of my family

When I delivered this news but in the moment

The bear was much more real to me but the bear

Stayed at the door, for how long I still can’t say,

And I couldn’t get back to my simple cot in my

Simple tent and I stayed, slumped crying on the

Floor of my sanctuary until daylight finally came

Through the window.

Young as I was, my offer was in return for

His immediate intercession and not 10 or 20 minutes

Or three hours later so I never mentioned my

Thought, the bargain offered up, to these counselor

Instead I yelled at them for days for not waking

Up or having one person on guard while we were in

Such a dangerous place and I remained unchanged

Because as the minutes went by and my screams went

Unanswered I was scared.