Tonight’s movie: Masterminds

Think of Home Alone except (a) the bad guy is Englishman Patrick Stewart (b) the Macaully Culkin character is a 16 year old hacker (c) the setting is a ritzy private school (d) Stewart and a surprisingly large crew of baddies hold the students hostage (e) the target is $650 million in bearer bonds and you have 1997’s Masterminds. Stewart must have a had a really hard time keeping a straight face while the cameras were rolling but he goes way over the top here (think of him in Conspiracy Theory) only to end up plunging his hopped up ATV escape car into a sewage outlet pond–literally! Vincent Kartheiser is cool as Ozzie Paxton, our slacker hero, who not only has to stop Stewart and crew but patch up his family. In an odd coincidence, Kartheiser was born the day after me, 18 years later. Mr. Showbiz called this a “Die Hard for kids” but I prefer my analogy.