Category Archives: Not Recommended

The Secret Agent

In the not-distant past Bob Hoskins made a good impression on me with his performances in movies like The Long Good Friday, Mona Lisa and Who Framed Roger Rabbit? So when I noticed that he produced and starred in a recent (1996 release) version of Joseph Conrad’s classic novel of European political intrigue called The Secret Agent in the on demand menu I figured it would be a good choice for a Friday evening show.

Sadly, my hopes were not met. The movie was ponderous and scattered, writer/director Christopher Hampton clearly unable to reduce Conrad’s sophisticated language to a producible screenplay. Eddie Izzard did a wonderful small bit as the Russian spymaster who is Hoskins’ new boss and a very fresh Christian Bale was okay as a mentally addled young man in his care but Patricia Arquettte was out of her depth as his young English bride (and Bale’s sister).

Frankly, I gave up after about 40 minutes.

not recommended

Also posted in drama, history, thriller | Comments Off

No Country for Old Men

Seriously, how did this win the Best Picture, Adapted Screenplay and Director of 2007? Maybe there were subliminal messages embedded in the theatrical or screener version that I missed watching on DVD. The only other reasons I can think of are along the lines of technical excellence, the combination of cast and source material or just that this year was the Coen brothers’ turn. Oscars and movie critics, go figure.

I expect most readers are aware that No Country for Old Men is a period piece (although 1980 is a fairly recent period) about what happens to a West Texas welder (Josh Brolin) after he finds a half dozen dead drug dealers whose merchandise and cash was somehow left behind and leaves the powder but takes off with the $2 million in $100 bills.

On Llewelyn Moss’s trail are sociopath mob muscle Anton Chigurt (Javier Bardem with the modified Dorothy Hamill wedge, won Best Supporting Actor) and nihilistic sheriff Ed Tom Bell (Tommy Lee Jones, who is at last growing into his wrinkles). Moss has no illusions, as soon as he gets back to their rundown trailer home he sends his pretty little wife (Kelly Macdonald) off to her momma and lights out himself. The mob soon realizes Chigurt is not coming back with their cash, should he get to it first, and dispatch several other hunters to find Moss, including a very mellow hitter played by Woody Harrelson.

Frankly, and the Big Guy, who watched with me, seems to agree, this is a strange and bad cinematic expression of Existentialism. Despite the extreme action that occurs none of the characters–at least none of the male characters–feel the need to change expression or body language much.

My take is that the weight of the world lay so heavy on these men that non-essential movement cost too much. Events, good or bad, happen and life goes on and, well, one day you die; sooner, later, everything is of a sameness and none matter.

Of course that raises the question of why any of these men bother. Whether the things that happen to us and around us matter after today or not is a question of import but not really why I watch movies. Exploring big questions is fine–The Wire and, judging from the first two episodes, the new John Adams miniseries do it–but I still expect to be entertained or elevated and Joel and Ethan Coen simply didn’t get close to making that happen.

not recommended

Also posted in crime, drama, western | Comments Off

Let's Go to Prison

This 2006 piece of dreck comedy was so boring that I hit stop after 15 minutes (right after Will Arnett’s character’s trial opens). I expected more from Let’s Go to Prison since it stars Arnett and Dax Shepherd, was written by the Reno 911/Night at the Museum/The Pacifier team of Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant and was directed by the funny Bob Odenkirk.

not recommended

Also posted in comedy, crime, Reviews | Comments Off

Deja Vu

Denzel Washington and Tony Scott do not generally make for a thrilling combination (e.g., Man on Fire) despite the quality of their work otherwise. So I skipped this 2006 release until the other day when the supply was really low and it was available in HD on demand. Deja Vu exceeded my expectations but that’s only because they were so very, very low.

Washington plays Doug Carlin, an ATF agent in the New Orleans office, when one weekday morning someone blows up a ferry full of kids and soldiers and their families, killing over 500 of them. Carlin catches the eye of FBI agent Paul Pryzwarra (Val Kilmer, who gives a paycheck-oriented performance) after he points out that one body was actually found dead five minutes before the explosion and Pryzwarra adds him to his very special investigatory team.

Special because the team is using, for the first time in the field, what they explain to Carlin as a very high power satellite surveillance system that allows them to show in ultrahigh def exactly what happened anywhere within the target area from any angle, with high fidelity sound as well. The catch is that the system can only show what happened four days and six hours in the past, because it takes that long to process the input, and the data flow is so large that it cannot be recorded.

Pryzwarra and the system’s slacker savant developer, played by Adam Goldberg, try to hide the true nature of the device from Carlin but he’s too slick and figures out that it’s actually a camera which sees directly into the past. Or rather, creates a sort of tunnel into the past, through which they can send a signal. Probably a piece of paper, with a warning of the impending explosion, and maybe even a person. A person?! That’s so whack they never had the nerve to test the idea.

The biggest problem is that everything in the movie rests on this magic camera and, despite the explanation that Goldberg’s scientist character eventually provides, is something even this inveterate science fiction fan won’t accept. It’s a combination of a bad take on string theory and inconsistent technology, and the script by Bill Marsilli (whose previous credits are for a couple of kid’s TV cartoons) and Terry Rossio (a better track record but presumably brought in to fix Marsilli’s work) can’t overcome this basic failing.

not recommended

Also posted in action, drama, Reviews, thriller | Comments Off

The Fountainhead

A 1949 screen interpretation of Ayn Rand’s classic novel starring Gary Cooper and a very young, lovely Patricia O’Neil, I watched this mainly due to the recent publicity surrounding the 50th anniversary of Rand’s other big novel, Atlas Shrugged, and since Rand herself wrote the screenplay. I read both novels back in college but, unlike some well-known people as former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan and rocker Geddy Lee, I saw gaping holes in her logic as well as a serious deficit in sympathy for other humans. Shrugged, oddly, was never made into a movie despite its continuing popularity, though Angelina Jolie is spearheading a production that may be released next year.

The Fountainhead, directed by Hollywood vet King Vidor (Duel in the Sun, Northwest Passage), is the story of Howard Roarke (Cooper). Unwilling to submit to the grinding impersonalization forced on anyone who shows signs of real talent, beginning with college professors, moving on to his early bosses and then media critics after he finds wealthy patrons brave enough to erect his out of the mainstream building designs.

After losing one contract too many when he was insistant on his exact plan being built, Roarke flees the city to work with his hands in a granite quarry. Who should be there but Dominic Francon, running away from her weak-willed fiance (who was Roarke’s classmate and a partner in Francon’s father’s firm), who rides her horse over the hill one day to see what’s happening at the quarry. Of course the two see each other and the attraction is immediate.

Roarke won’t marry her, though, until she becomes as strong an individual as he; instead she marries the owner of the newspaper at which she used to work. A newspaper which, on the urging of its architecture critic, had run a smear campaign against a residential skyscraper Roarke designed. Strangely, Roarke and Dominic’s husband (played suavely by Raymond Massey) become great friends–which makes the girl quite nervous as hubby has never been told about their love–and Roarke’s career takes off.

Finally, Roarke wins the contract for a huge low-income housing development through the subterfuge of submitting his bid under the name of Dominic’s former fiance. The city officials agree to the condition that it be built as designed, absolutely, but then just before construction begins that darn, and influential, newspaper critic (Robert Douglas, slick enough as Toohey to make me wonder if he’s half snake) gets two other architects brought in and they make a huge number of ridiculous changes.

Roarke has been away all this time but returns when construction is nearly complete and is disgusted. He dynamites the entire site and is arrested since he’s stayed to surrender when the police arrive. The entire movie up to this point has simply been an exercise to show us Roarke’s true character, the foolishness of those who would impose their will upon others as well as any kind of collective responsibility, and, though it isn’t easy, it’s ever too late to reach the Randian ideal.

At the trial Roarke defends himself. He essentially asks no questions in his cross of the prosecution witnesses other than to confirm the facts as he sees them, most importantly that he did design the project and his only condition and his only compensation was for it to be built exactly as designed. Nor does he call any witnesses of his own, he simply delivers a combined testimony/closing argument that (according to my Law & Order legal education) counts on jury nullification to win a not guilty result.

In fact Roarke’s entire soliloquy is a statement of Rand’s philosophy. Though Cooper’s delivery is his typical understated yet insistently firm style, it’s a poor climax for a film that has barely crawled along for the previous 90 minutes. Judged as a film, The Fountainhead becomes essentially a university lecture; surely having Rand make a documentary would have been a better choice and somehow I doubt Jolie’s Atlas Shrugged, if it gets made, will be much better.

not recommended

Also posted in drama, politics, Reviews | Comments Off

Dirty Work

I only watched this movie because there was nothing else even remotely interesting and Lance Reddick is so good on The Wire. Reddick is a dirty cop but we’re supposed to think that’s only due to some bad luck and too much gambling, which got him under the thumb of Julian, a weird local crime boss played by Austin Pembleton.

Dirty Work picks up when Assistant State Attorney Frank Sullivan (Mike McGlore), running for his boss’s job, comes home late one night. During a fight he gets physical with his alcoholic wife and strangles her; he and his campaign manager smuggle the body out and stage her to appear as if she was another victim of a rapist/murderer. The other plot is that Reddick decides he’s not going to let Julian ruin a young Polish hotel maid, after she overheard the real killer, Julian’s top goon, admit that fact to his boss.

In the end, this movie is too simple and formulaic. Writer/director Bruce Terris, in his first feature-length production, leans too heavily on dark visuals, bad Chicago winter weather and some pretty decent acting to overcome poor material with too few surprises for a thriller.

not recommended

Also posted in crime, drama, politics, Reviews | Comments Off

Lithium Springs

I was asked to review an independently made movie called Lithium Springs but have nothing positive at all to say, so I will just leave my comment as this note.

Also posted in family, movies, Reviews | Comments Off

The Astronaut's Wife

Going against my previous thinking that this 1999 Johnny Depp/Charlize Theron movie wasn’t worth watching, I gave it a spin yesterday. Sadly, I should have stuck with my original thought because writer/director Rand Ravich clearly did a better job pitching this scifi-ish thriller to the studio suits than he did in getting the film in the can.

The Astronaut’s Wife of the title is Jillian Armacost (Theron). Astronaut hubby Spencer (Depp) and mission commander Alex Streck go EVA to repair a satellite during an otherwise routine shuttle mission when something strange happens. The two exchange unexpected shouts and then lose communication with their shuttle. The other crewmembers take two minutes to get to them, apparently (this was never clear to me) Armacost and Streck are unconscious, and then make an emergency return to Earth.

While there’s no apparent medical reason, the commander dies soon after and at the wake his widow commits suicide. Spencer gets out of the hospital fine and rides his new fame to a high level executive slot at a big New York City aerospace company. Jillian, a second grade teacher, reluctantly agrees to the move.

Sherman Reese (Joe Morton) suspected that two minute gap was more than a bit strange, especially when neither Streck nor Armacost can or will explain their recorded dialog or the blank time. He has an explanation, though everyone at NASA thinks Reese’s gone off his nut, and comes to Manhattan to warn Jillian and maybe get his help. Instead he winds up dead and the key to his storage locker ends up in her hands.

The explanation that no one will buy? That, physical interstellar travel being immensely unlikely, an alien transmitted its essence (mind, soul, the movie’s never clear) to Earth and took over the two spacemen’s minds, without erasing what was there before. As a lifelong science fiction reader I’ve made some leaps before to accept a story’s premise but this is just so poorly done that I couldn’t get over it.

And Depp is so blond! Maybe if he had dark hair I would have liked this. But I doubt it, a lot.

not recommended

Also posted in drama, Reviews, science fiction, thriller | Comments Off

Johnny Was

Although numerous film festivals honored it, I thought Johnny Was never connected the characters from the two groups which formed its dramatic heart and, disappointed, I turned off after about 45 minutes or so. Vinnie Jones plays the title role, with Patrick Bergin, former boxing champ Lennox Lewis, Samantha Mumba, Roger Daltrey (still hopefully of an acting career, I suppose) and Eric LaSalle (from ER) rounding out the main cast.

Johnny Doyle (Jones) used to be a member of an IRA crew led by Flynn (Bergin, looking much older now but best known in the US, I suppose, for playing Julia Roberts’ nasty ex in Sleeping with the Enemy) but Johnny went straight, and under the radar, after Flynn was arrested for their last job together. He lives in a strange squat in the Brixton section of London, with the very serious drug dealer Julius (LaSalle) and his junkie girl Rita (Mumba) on the first floor and revered Rasta DJ Ras (Lewis) living and spinning on the third. Flynn has a thing for Rita but not the, err, cojones to act on his feelings.

Flynn breaks out of Brixton Prison with fellow soldier Michael after serving five years, expecting Jimmy, another IRA confederate, to meet and carry them away. The cops have other ideas though, and the two are blocked from reaching Jimmy. Scrambling through the streets and unaware that Johnny’s nearby, Flynn nonetheless stumbles on him at a market and pressures him for temporary shelter. Back at the squat Flynn and Julius intersect, a conflict which Johnny and Ras are barely able to contain.

So you can see that the script, by former journalist Brendan Foley, sets up strong possibilities. Unfortunately, neither the relatively weak cast–Jones is much better in supporting roles–nor director Mark Hammond take hold and realize them. I honestly don’t understand the film festival awards but c’est la vie.

not recommended

Also posted in drama, politics, Reviews, thriller | Comments Off

Bubba Ho-tep

Some circles in which I usually find myself are very high on this Bruce Campbell/Ossie Davis 2002 flick but in this instance I’m on the outside looking in. Karina Montgomery captured my feelings well when she wrote “If you tilt your head just right, it looks like a beautifully shot student film with a bunch of community theatre actors having a great time.”

Campbell, who seems to play the same lovable rogue in every movie and TV show but does it really well, is the still-living Elvis Presley and Davis claims to be a transformed John Fitzgerald Kennedy with an all-over tattoo to change his skin color and a “bag of sand” where his brain was. Elvis says it wasn’t him who died in 1977 but a really skillful impersonator with whom he traded places shortly beforehand because he got tired of his life.

The title character is a revived mummy from ancient dynastic Egypt and the source of the intended horror in the film, as he stays alive only by sucking the life force from living people. He preys on the elderly–this is set in an old age home–because while their life force is weak, meaning he must feed frequently, they’re weak enough for him to handle. And to add to the horror, he often sucks a soul out through the anus. There are also oversized scarab beetles involved.

Elvis and JFK team up to defeat the mummy before he can get them. The former president is confined to a wheelchair so he’s the bait, carrying a tank of vile, flammable liquid. Elvis, feeling alive (with his first erection in eight years to show for it), plans to spring out and finish the job.

This was the second time I watched Bubba Ho-tep; the first I couldn’t get past 15 minutes and this week I only watched to the end because there wasn’t anything else on, plus I was mainly working on the computer. It never really got me laughing nor frightened and director Don Coscarelli never got the pace moving at a decent speed.

not recommended

Also posted in comedy, fantasy, horror, indie, Reviews | Comments Off