Comic books are, at the core, simple stories about people with exaggerated abilities placed in overwrought situations. With the limited physical form of only a few pages the illustrator can lavash attention on details that are only now becoming available to their movie counterparts while the story writer as about the least requirements to develop character or fill in plot of any major adult entertainment medium. (The more recent graphic novel form, some of which feature characters originally from comics, differ in almost exactly these ways.)

In making Fantastic Four, the Marvel leadership recognized these elements as the key to why the Spider-Man and X-Men movies were huge hits while The Hulk, Daredevil and Elektra missed the boat. The script by Michael France (who also co-wrote Hulk and The Punisher) and Mark Frost (no previous comic superhero credits) barely takes enough screen time to introduce the five leads before they’re rocketing to orbit where the exotic rays arrive hours early.

The second half of the story, as they attempt to deal with the physical changes, may be what caused so many reviewers to go negative but not me. Director Tim Story (launched a wave of black films with Barbershop but bombed wth personal followup, the American remake of Taxi) turns the conventions 90 degrees by mostly avoiding the evil villain out to conquer the world. Instead Story plays the characters against each other as they work out the emotional hurricanes.

Sure Victor Von Doom is turning into a metal man but until events force him down a bad path he’s no more rotten than your standard American corporate chieftain. The catastrophe in space also ruined his business and with Mr. Fantastic also cutting him out of Sue Storm’s attentions, Doom’s fall is (in comic book universe) understandable. The others, the Fantastic Four, are more conventional and take their new abilities reluctantly; they only fight Doom because they have no choice.

recommended

Between unloading boxes and figuring where everything goes we watched a couple of amusing flicks, one recent, one the last of a series from the ’60s and ’70s. Both enjoyable though and I think the commonality is a bit of turning audience expectations around.

In Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle we watch a pair of stoned Asian 20-somethings who only want to get those special burgers cooked at the title chain to quench their munchies. What should be a short, simple drive winds up being an all night comic adventure. At some points the script relies a bit too much on cardboard stereotypes but in general John Cho and Kal Penn succeed with a funny movie that’s a level above typical young adult crap like Down to You or A Guy Thing.

recommended

Revenge of the Pink Panther is the final of the five original movies starring Peter Sellers as Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau and one of Sellers’ last three movies. To some degree this was a payday movie for him and writer/director Blake Edwards, part of a sequence of three made a dozen years after the first two; those were critical and box office successes and while these did pull in some cash no rave reviews were really expected.

French mobster Douvier (Robert Webber) needs to show his American partners his grip remains strong, so at the suggestion of a lieutenant Clouseau is selected for assassination. Through typical pratfalls and misunderstandings everyone thinks the plan works and insane former boss Chief Inspector Dreyfuss, instantly cured at the news, is brought out to find the killer. At the same time Douvier tosses out his mistress (Dyan Cannon) and in running from her own killers literally bumps into Clouseau; teaming up they of course send Douvier to ruin and Dreyfuss back to the sanitarium.

recommended

Between unloading boxes and figuring where everything goes we watched a couple of amusing flicks, one recent, one the last of a series from the ’60s and ’70s. Both enjoyable though and I think the commonality is a bit of turning audience expectations around.

In Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle we watch a pair of stoned Asian 20-somethings who only want to get those special burgers cooked at the title chain to quench their munchies. What should be a short, simple drive winds up being an all night comic adventure. At some points the script relies a bit too much on cardboard stereotypes but in general John Cho and Kal Penn succeed with a funny movie that’s a level above typical young adult crap like Down to You or A Guy Thing.

recommended

Revenge of the Pink Panther is the final of the five original movies starring Peter Sellers as Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau and one of Sellers’ last three movies. To some degree this was a payday movie for him and writer/director Blake Edwards, part of a sequence of three made a dozen years after the first two; those were critical and box office successes and while these did pull in some cash no rave reviews were really expected.

French mobster Douvier (Robert Webber) needs to show his American partners his grip remains strong, so at the suggestion of a lieutenant Clouseau is selected for assassination. Through typical pratfalls and misunderstandings everyone thinks the plan works and insane former boss Chief Inspector Dreyfuss, instantly cured at the news, is brought out to find the killer. At the same time Douvier tosses out his mistress (Dyan Cannon) and in running from her own killers literally bumps into Clouseau; teaming up they of course send Douvier to ruin and Dreyfuss back to the sanitarium.

recommended

The first one was good and ended with the good guys in comfortable places. No need to bring them back to resolve some hanging story thread or buddy-buddy tension. The Whole Nine Yards just made too much money for the people involved not to try a second time. I think–so hard to be sure–this one was so bad creatively and did so bad financially that there won’t be a third.

In The Whole Ten Yards our two couples (Bruce Willis and Amanda Peet, Matthew Perry and Natasha Henstridge) are fluffing along, more or less okay, until Hungarian mobster Laszlo Gogolak (Kevin Pollack as the brother of the crime boss he played last time) gets out of jail wanting revenge. Without showing us how he found them, Pollack kidnaps Henstridge which forces Perry to run to the others’ Mexican hideout. Not being quite as stupid as his brother he sticks a GPS unit in Perry’s Porsche and we get (a pretty crappy) firefight out front of the villa. Anyway, it goes on from there with what’s supposed to be a big twist.

George Gallo wrote the script (his past gems include Wise Guys–no, not Scorsese’s classic, this was the 1986 Devito/Piscopo comedy–and more recently David Arquette’s postal classic See Spot Run) and only came up with a bunch of shtick and bits which director Howard Deutsch can’t weave together. I think the missing piece is a character like Michael Clarke Duncan’s Frankie Figgs who bridges Willis and Perry to the Pollack’s gang; here is only Tasha Smith as Frankie’s sister and she’s got so little to do I’m guessing most of her lines were left on the editing room floor.

Deutsch has a history of making useless sequels and remakes such as Grumpier Old Men, The Odd Couple II, and Some Kind of Wonderful (okay, technically this wasn’t a remake but it sure seemed like they took the filling from all the previous John Hughes flicks and said “Ooh, let’s toast the bread this time!”) so I can only blame myself for not heeding every single review published.

I really do blame myself. All these cable channels, books, websites and I spent 100 minutes over two nights watching this. Must be punishment for something really bad.

not recommended–if you can’t find your remote pull the damn plug!

Is there a story more famous than the war over the most beautiful woman of the ancient world? The tale of the face that launched a thousand ships aiming to reclaim her for the king of Sparta, though, is spun far off its traditional rails by director Wolfgang Petersen (The Perfect Storm, Enemy Mine) and writer David Benioff (25th Hour) into a thinly veiled contemporary psychodrama.

Focused mainly on Achilles (Brad Pitt) and Hector (Eric Bana), the two great warriors of ancient Greece, Troy sets them against each other as reluctant fighters unmoved by the ideals passed down by Homer in The Iliad. Excellent Hollywood mirrors: Achilles hones his martial prowess as his answer to the ephemeral nature of life while Hector looks to his wife and infant son for sustenance.

Achilles laughs at the allegiance demanded by King Agamemnon (a mulletted Brian Cox) and scorns the honor price demanded by Agamemnon’s brother Menelaus, Helen’s spurned husband. Hector finds strength in leading Troy’s army and peace in accepting the human frailty of his brother Paris (Orlando Bloom). When Paris cannot face death at Menelaus’ sword Hector lifts him up lovingly yet asks no quarter later when he walks out the city gates to his deathmatch. Achilles must receive Hector’s gift to reconcile this inner battle and conquer his angst.

Peter O’Toole’s Priam is well beyond an active place on the battlefield, more suited to skulking unnoticed and favoring priestly advice over the words of his sons. The gods, of course, sit on Mount Olympus seeking entertainment rather than heeding the signals priests read from birds and pigs. Hence the tragic ending to the story. Sean Bean gets a role very different from LotR’s Boromir, the political animal Odysseus (no, no mention of his ride home) who connects Agamemnon’s leadership to Achilles’ blade.

Helen’s played here by Diane Kruger, lovely enough but little more than that. She’s easily outperformed by Rose Byrne as Briseis, the Trojan princess who wins Achilles’ heart, and Saffron Burrows as Hector’s wife Andromache. I may be biased–both are more attractive in my eyes–but they seem more at ease with the dialog and direction.

Petersen and Benioff are the real villains of the piece. While no one would greenlight a 1950s Cecil DeMille bland, smooth costume epic these days, the pendulum’s swung too far the other way. Between computers, high def cameras and access to suitable locations anywhere, filmmakers can deliver stunning visuals and any angles on the action desired but this need to explore every major character’s psychological landscape crowds every movie into the same narrow space:

Troy != Gladiator != Kingdom of Heaven != Braveheart != Cold Mountain != Saving Private Ryan != Minority Report.

Fortunately they haven’t ruined this movie and though it could have been better I still can say:

recommended